Trollcops

[Rai]

SO THIS IS SOMETHING OF A HOMESTUCK FIC KAT MADE ME WRITE. IT'S NOT FINISHED AND IT WILL PROBABLY NEVER BE FINISHED, BUT AT LEAST I GOT IT PLANNED OUT IN MY HEAD. If you want to know what happens before it gets written out, feel free to PM me.

And this is before any revisions and the like so ignore any OOC-ness and typos. :'D

She sauntered into the preceinct, a grin stretched across her face and red tinted sunglasses hiding her eyes. Terezi was dressed in the usual Alternia Police Department uniform of black and blue, her shiney golden badge sitting on the left side of her breast and a hat sitting nicely on top of her heard. She couldn't even make it to her desk before the familiar yell of the chief echoed around the place.

"ter get the fuck ovver here"

If it all possible, her grin widened and she trotted over to secluded office where the fabulous-looking troll sat at his desk, hunched over and glowering over a stack of papers at her. His hair was slicked back, the clump of purple a welcomed relief from the dreary colors of the office. Terezi gave a short mock salute. "Y3S, CH13F? YOU LOOK POS1T1V3LY GRUMPY TOD4Y."

Growling, Eridan, massaged the bridge of his nose. "cut the shit ter im not in the mood to deal with it youre gettin a partner today" He shuffled some papers around, pulling out a small stapled together stack and giving to a once over. Eridan set it down, and pressed a button on the intercom sitting off to one side. "fef, can you send him in"

At the word 'partner' she perked up. She hadn't had a partner in a while, not since Kanaya had quit the force months earlier. For a moment, she wondered what sort of character this one would be, or would the chief be giving her one of the officers with little field work experience. Maybe it would be Nepeta! Or even Sollux, though she wasn't as keen on that one. "4 P4RTN3R? YOU SHOULDN'T H4V3."

What entered wasn't at all what she had imagined. A short (shorter than her, anyway) and skinny looking kid, hat sitting backwards on ruffled looking black hair and one very annoyed scowl across his face. His hands were shoved in his pockets, and he walked with a very obvious slouch, pausing a little behind Terezi. She hadn't seen him around before. A rookie? Had to be.

"ter kar kar ter the twwo of you are partners startin today and i dont wwant to hear any shit about it" He focused his gaze on the new officer at this, though the latter made no show of it, fidgeting on his feet and giving the office a look over like Eridan hadn't been talking. "he wwas transfered to us because of his fuckin attitude no one else wwould take him"

The rookie spoke up at this, fixing Eridan with a rather nasty little glare. "DON'T FUCKING TALK ABOUT ME LIKE I'M NOT STANDING RIGHT HERE." Eridan glared right back.

Terezi grinned more, grabbing her new partner by the arm, much to his disdain. "DON'T WORRY, CH13F. 1'LL TAK3 GOOD C4R3 OF H1M." Before another word could be said, she dragged him out of the chief's office. Once the door slammed shut behind them, she turned and rather sloppily lucked the side of his face, leaving the poor kid standing there looking very horrified and disgusted all at once.

"WHAT THE FLYING FUCK WAS THAT FOR?" he yelped finally, wiping the rements of saliva off with his sleeve, and glaring at the few cops sitting about that had been witness to the specticle.

"YOU T4ST3 L1K3 D3L1C1OUS R3D C4NDY 4PPL3S." Silence followed, and Terezi snickered as she released his arm, leaving the kid to gape at the back of her head. "4R3 YOU GO1NG TO ST4ND TH3R3 4LL D4Y, OR 4RE YOU GO1NG TO FOLLOW? TH3R3'S WORK TO B3 DON3 4ND JUST1C3 TO D1SH OUT." Rather reluctantly, he slouched along after her, mumbling irritable curses and insults under his breath.

"SO, K4R-"

"KARKAT."

"WH4T?"

"MY NAME'S KARKAT."

"SO, K4RKL3S-" She ignored his aggitated groan, "1'M 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF 4 C4S3. S1T B4CK 4ND W4TCH UNT1L YOU L34RN TH3 ROP3S."

He sped up to keep pace next to her, waving his arms in a dramatic and annoyed fashion. "I'M NOT SITTING THE FUCK BACK LIKE AN OLD AND INEPT FOOL, WAITING TO BE LED AROUND BY THE GOGDAMN NOSEHAIRS."

Terezi shrugged, stepping to the side to allow a cop and an arrested suspect to make their way through the door. "YOUR FUN3R4L."

Whether or not he had been listening didn't really bother her much. If he made some ameture mistake it was his own fault. She was on the trail of a dangerous and vicious criminal. There was no time to sit around and teach some rookie how to tie his own shoelaces. A deep sniff brought her attention to the tall and buff cop that had just entered. "GOT ON3, 3QU1US?" she chirpped, glacing at the other law enforcer before staring at the dishevaled troll that was being directed in front of him.

"GAMZEE? WHAT THE FUCK-" her partner yelled out of nowhere, catching the attention of anyone within earshot.

"HeY bEsT fRiEnD," Gamzee replied with a smile. "LoNg TiMe No MoThErFuCkInG tAlK."

"NO SHIT. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"HeHeH iT's A lOnG sToRy."

Terezi piped up, "H3'S 1N 4ND OUT 4LL TH3 T1M3. POSS3SS1ON W1TH 1NT3NT TO D34L, R1GHT?"

Equius nodded. "D--> Yes. He was trying to get kids to eat slime, among other things." Gamzee had been in and out constantly for a variety of different things, usually revolving around giving and getting people to try things they shouldn't, and at Equius' mention of it Gamzee grinned and gave a little shrug.

Karkat could only shake his head. Terezi wrapped her arms around his arm again, getting a small glare in reply to her large grin. "YOU TWO C4N R3M1N1SC3 L4T3R. W3 H4V3 B1GG3R F1SH TO FRY." She began dragging her partner out the door, barely giving Gamzee time to get out, "SeE yA lAtEr, BrO,"before the door swung shut and left the two standing on the sidewalk.

"I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE-" the kid muttered, trailing off before finishing his thought.

"3Y3S UP, K4RKL3S. P3RSON4L F33L1NGS DON'T B3LONG OUT H3R3." She trotted over to a squad car, opening the door and sliding into the driver's seat.

Growling once again, he sulked after her. "MY GOGDAMN NAME'S KARKAT, NOT 'KARKLES'. IF YOU CAN'T EVEN MEMORIZE THAT FUCKING MUCH, HEAD BACK TO GRUBSCHOOL." Regardless, he slunk into the passenger's seat, not even bothering to click his seatbelt into place. Eyeing him a bit, Terezi gave a light shrug and set the keys into the ignition, her grin widening until it covered most of her face as the engine roared to life. "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LICK ME BACK THERE?"

She latched her seatbelt and set the car in gear, rolling down the window and sticking her head out the window. "1'M BL1ND."

It took until she had backed out a bit and set the car into drive for what she said to sink in. "WAIT, WHA- AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Terezi slammed on the gas, pinning her poor partner to his seat, Karkat trying to grab onto something for dear life as she turned onto the road, his eyes wide and that yell continuing until she reached a stoplight, slamming on her breaks and sending him right into the dash.

Terezi leaned back in the seat, rest one arm on the armrest. "RUL3 ON3, K4RKL3S. 4LW4YS W34R 4 S34TB3LT." Grumbling, he shakily pulled himself back onto the seat, making damn sure to slip his seatbelt into place while a red mark formed on his forehead.

---------TROLLCOPS---------TROLLCOPS---------TROLLCOPS---------TROLLCOPS---------TROLLCOPS---------

The car pulled to a stop outside of a little store, and Karkat pratically fell out of it, close to kissing the dirty sidewalk he was on. "I WILL NEVER GET INTO A DAMN CAR WITH YOU AS THE DRIVER AGAIN. I WOULDN'T WISH THAT PISS-FILLED-PANTS TORTURE ON ANYONE. WHO IN THE HELL GAVE YOU YOUR LISCENCE?"

She walked up next to him, leaning against the car as he slowly pulled himself to his feet. "YOU WOULDN'T B3L13V3 M3 3V3N 1F 1 TOLD YOU."

"TRY ME. NOT MUCH MAKES A LOT OF FUCKING SENSE AROUND HERE."

"4 POW3RFUL 4ND M4G1C DR4GON," Terezi added a mystical flare to her words, wriggling her fingers and keeping her words light.

There was a pause, and he fixed her with a disbelieving stare. "YEAH, BECAUSE THAT MAKES MORE FUCKING SENSE THAN SOMEONE WHO'S LISCENCED TO GIVE YOU A LISCENCE." He brushed off his pants, glancing up at her and that ever present grin stretched across her face. He could believe what he wanted for all she cared. "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU BLIND, ANYWAY? AND HOW THE HELL DID YOU NOT RUN INTO ANYTHING ON THE ROADS? BESIDES THE CAT, THE CURB, A FEW DOZEN SIDEWALKS, THAT WAGON..." Karkat continued to list the numerous things Terezi had managed to run over, along with a few she knew she had narrowly missed.

Waggling a finger at him with a grin, she pushed off the car and walked over to the door to the store. "UH-UH, K4RKL3S. YOU 4SK TOO M4NY QU3ST1ONS. TH4T'S 4 STORY FOR 4NOTH3R D4Y." He began to argue as she slipped into the little store, leaving him ranting along behind her.

A little bell above the door tinkled, altering the employees to their new customers. It was a small little restaurant with small tables and chairs placed around them, a little bar off towards where the kitchens were. The place was nicely lit and had a homely feel to it. Against the walls were some larger booths for the bigger parties. It carried a prominemt scent of cooked foods. From the kitchen came a woman, voicing a quick greeting of, "Welcome I'll Be With You Shortly," before getting an actual look at the uniformed officers.

"Terezi! I Wasn't Expecting You. You Should Have Called." The troll wiped her hands on a little towel, adjusting the little apron that she wore over her shirt and skirt.

"1 KNOW, BUT 1T'S 4 B1T UN3XP3CT3D N3WS," Terezi informed, stopping out of the way of the door, but not taking a seat at the bar.

Kanaya blinked at her old friend. "Oh?" It was only at the irritated "TSK!" did she lean to the side and look behind Terezi at the annoyed rookie officer standing behind her. "Did Eridan Stick You With A New Partner?" shed asked with amusement. "You Haven't Scarred Him Too Badly Yet have You? She's A Handful, But She Means Well."

Terezi looked over her shoulder at her partner standing over by the door, looking not only his usual ticked off self, but glancing around warily. Fixing him with a stare for a short few seconds she turned her attnetion back towards the other troll. "Y34H. CH13F G4VE H1M TO M3 TH1S MORN1NG. 4ND 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 WH4T YOU'R3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT."

"THE CAR KNOWS," Karkat growled crossly. "THE OLD MAN KNOWS. YOU SCARED HALF THE FUCKING POPULATION. I'M SURPRISED OLD MEN HAVEN'T KEELED OVER AT HEARING THE SOUND OF THE ENGINE WITH HOW YOU DRIVE."

"You're Driving?" Kanaya raised a brow towards Terezi.

"H4V3N'T GOTT3N A T1CK3T Y3T!" She stated it rather proudly, puffing out her chest a bit. The aproned troll shook her head, and Terezi only grinned more. Calming down at least somewhat, Terezi looked towards her friend, "WH4 T 4BOUT YOU? TH3 BOR1NG L1F3 WORK1NG OUT? 1'D GO CR4ZY WORK1NG 4T 4 QU13T PL4C3 L1K3 TH1S."

Kayana leaned forward, resting her arms on the counter. "Good Thing You Don't. We Don't Need You Losing Any More Sanity Than You Already Have. And There Are Times When I Miss Part Of The Force-"

"DEAR JEGUS, DO THE TWO OF YOU EVER SHUT YOUR NOISE HOLES? WHAT THE HELL WAS IT YOU TOLD ME ABOUT REMINICING? WHAT DO THEY CALL THIS? DOUBLE STANDARDS?" Karkat threw his hands in the air, making a few dramatic movements in the few seconds it took for him to get his little rant out.

Terezi rounded on Karkat, fixing him with as much of a stare as her red glasses would allow. "R3M3MB3R WH4T 1 S41D 34RL13R 4BOUT QU3ST1ONS, K4RKL3S? YOU'R3 DO1NG 1T 4G41N."

"Karkles?" Kanaya raised a brow, trying to hide the smile and laugh threatening to break lose.

Stuffing his hands in his pockets and trying to hide a flustered red color rising to his cheeks, Karkat intervened before Terezi could butcher his pride any futher. "IT'S KARKAT. KARKAT VANTAS. NOT KARKLES." He shot a dirty look towards Terezi, clearly showing his dislike at the little nickname she had picked out for him.

She, however, ignored his little glare, sliding into place next to him and slinging an arm around his shoulders. With strength a bling girl should not possess, she held him there, Karkat trying to fidget his way out of her grip and failing miserably. Didn't they teach kids anything these days in training? "K4N4Y4, M33T K4RKL3S. K4RKL3S, M33T K4N4Y4, MY OLD P4RTN3R. DON'T BOTH3R F1GHT1NG FOR MY LOV3. SH3 COULD WHOOP YOUR 4SS BL1NDFOLD3D."

Karkat gave a snort, muttering a short, "I DOUBT THAT," but not pushing matters any farther than that and looking like he'd rather not know if she could indeed whoop his ass or not. He finally ducked out of Terezi's grip, fixing the collar of his uniform while she set out in telling Kanaya exactly why she had decided to grace the little place with her presence that day.

"1 GOT 4 L34D ON YOU-KNOW-WHO."

"WHO?" Karkat inquired, barging his way into the conversation.

Terezi paused and tilted her head to the side for a few seconds. "1 GU3SS YOU SHOULD H34R TH1S TOO, K4RKL3S."

"THE AMOUNT OF UNSURPRESSED JOY I'M FEELING COULD DROWN A WHALE."

She waved off his sarcasm. "VR1SK4 S3KR3T. 1'M SUR3 YOU'V3 H34RD 4BOUT H3R." Karkat didn't look as if the name rang a bell. "B1TCHY. B3H1ND 3V3RY M4JOR CR1M3 TH1S S1D3 OF 4LT3RN14 4ND TH3N SOM3. 1 GOT 4 L34D ON H3R N3XT B1G JOB."

"Are You Sure You Should Be Telling Me This, Terezi? Technically I'm Not On The Case Anymore."

Like with the earlier sarcasm, Terezi waved off Kanaya's concern. "YOU KNOW HOW TH3 CH13F 1S. 4S LONG 4S TH1NGS G3T DON3 H3 DO3SN'T C4R3."

"True."

"L1K3 1 W4S S4Y1NG, 1 GOT 4 L34D. SOURC3S T3LL M3 SH3'S PL4NN1NG 4 ROBB3RY."

"OH YIPPE. A ROBBERY. JUST WHAT EVERY COP HASN'T HAD TO DEAL WITH AT LEAST FIFTEEN GOGDAMN THOUSAND TIMES. THE SUSPENSE AND THRILL. IT'S KILLING ME. NO REALLY. I THINK MY THINK PAN'S EXPLODED FROM SHEER ECSTACY HERE."

Terezi calmly whapped Karkat upside the head with her police baton, getting a short yelp of pain from her new partner. "4 B4NK ROBB3RY. 4LT3RN14 N4T1ON4L. TH3 T34M M4N4G3D TO CR4CK 4 F1LE W3 G4TH3R3D, THOUGH 1T W4SN'T TOO H4RD."

The file consisted of Vriska, obvious to those who at least knew her screen name or speaking patterns, reminding some poor fool to use the code system they had in place and not going right out and stating the plan. Much apologizing and bereting later, and it was obvious to anyone who could read what she was planning.

"WHY AM I JUST FUCKING HEARING ABOUT THIS? DOES THE WORD 'BRIEFING' MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU AT ALL? YOU KNOW, NOT LEAVING YOUR PARTNER IN THE DARK ABOUT THIS SO-CALLED IMPORTANT CASE. IT'S KIND OF IMPORTANT-"

Another whap upside the head. "SHUSH, K4RKL3S. YOU'R3 RU1N1NG TH3 MOM3NT."

Kanaya had to surpress another little giggle behind her hand. "Don't Be Too Hard On Him, Terezi. Do Either Of You Want Anything? A Drink Or Something To Eat?"

"I COULD GO FOR A SANDWICH WITH A STEAMING CUP OF WHAT THE SHIT IS GOING ON."

The ace cop went and sat at the little bar, ignoring Karkat's constant outbursts about not knowing what was going on. He would find out eventually, and it never hurt anyone to do a little creative thinking on their own part and reaching their own conclusions. At least, it never hurt anyone as far as she knew. Oh well. "TH3 USU4L!" Karkat chose to remain standing and out of reach of the heavy stick Terezi wielded in her hand.

Things were somewhat quiet for a moment, Terezi content with craning her neck to try to peer into the kitchen as Karkat debated whether or not it would be safe to edge closer. "NO ONE'S ANSWERED ME," he groweld irritably, finally stalking over and taking a seat a few stools down from Terezi, hopefully out of her reach.

Kanaya slid back into view, setting a sandwich in front of Terezi full of multicolored meats that looked like a variety of molds and colored fungi.